For Your Glory We Will Rise, From the Ashes to the Skies.

One of my favorite things to do besides writing the actual song is writing the story of the song. I love the story of Ashes.

I wrote this song during my time in the Worship Residency with Carl Cartee, leader and founder of said residency. He has been such an incredible influence on my life not only as a worship leader but as a believer in general, and the fact that I was even a part of that program was a total “God thing” as they say. But I mean what technically isn’t a “God thing” amiright guys? I DIGRESS.

We wrote it on the last day of a weekend writing retreat, and I came in with the tag and a chorus melody idea. I didn’t know exactly what I wanted it to look like, I just knew I wanted to write a song about how I didn’t feel worthy to be a worship leader. You know, an interesting concept from someone in a literal worship leaders training program LOL. But that stemmed from a really deep place that I realized I needed to work through. I’ve always struggled with holding on to my past and the mistakes I’ve made and not feeling worthy of forgiveness. I understood the concept of grace and knew in my heart (or maybe just my head) that Christ’s sacrifice has covered that and He doesn’t look at me that way, but I found it very difficult to give myself enough grace to receive His.

If I could paint you a mental picture of my 20’s, it would be trudging slowly and heavily through really thick mud. Or maybe, as in every 90s kid’s greatest unrealistic nightmare, QUICKSAND. If you’re a GIF person, picture someone with a huge smile on their face, waving at passers by, trudging blissfully forward through the sinking sand, not realizing that they just keep getting deeper and deeper the more they move. I go into this a bit more in a previous blog about my journey towards becoming a worship leader. But that season is really where this song came from.

That’s why it felt right to have the very first line of the song say, “I feel the weight, the remnants of my past. How could you make redemption from the dust?” We wanted the verses to be raw and honest, questioning even. Because who hasn’t had a moment at some point in their faith when they’ve questioned God? Our faith can teeter and doubt can creep in, it’s only human. I think a lot of times in the Church we’re afraid to talk about that out loud, because heaven forbid someone might think poorly of us or question our loyalty. But I think conversations like that might actually be freeing and open up the door for healing. Our pain and struggle is not hidden from the Lord, so why should we hide it from each other? Wounds need fresh air and sunlight.

So, as we continued working through the song, we started talking through different images that painted the story of redemption. We wanted to illustrate this idea of grace in a very visual way. Carl saw the image of a cathedral, tall, beautiful and breathtaking, but built out of bones and dust. Of ruins being turned into altars and places of worship. Of simple jars of clay being used to hold something holy (2 Corinthians 4:7). These pictures filled me with hope. He can and He does make beautiful things out of the ashes, and I am included in that. Since when was building something as grand as a Cathedral super quick, easy and pain-free? So, this song has served as a vivid reminder for me, because more often than not I lull myself back into believing that it’s all too much, that I am still defined by my past and that His grace cannot extend that far. But there’s even grace for that! Grace for not believing in his grace. IT’S A GRACE VORTEX. ….what am I even talking about anymore.

Anyways, as we have led this song the past year or so, I’ve been so surprised and encouraged by peoples responses. Whether it’s watching people engage and worship, or the random kindness of someone stopping me in ye old church bathroom and saying “Hey, this song really connects deeply with my story. Thank you.” And then I respond with something really awkward and intense like “OMG I LOVE YOU TELL ME YOUR ENTIRE STORY RIGHT NOW AS YOU WASH YOUR HANDS GO” ..…I’m working on it.

I’m so excited for you to hear the song and hope it encourages you through whatever season you’re in, whether it’s in the middle of doubt, in the fire of refinement, in the construction of your cathedral, or in the comfort of peace. There is beauty in the necessary art of redemption, whether you are in the middle of the desolation or standing at the very end, admiring every crumbed wall.

LYRICS:

I feel the weight, the remnants of my past

How could you make redemption from the dust?

But then you came in with unexpected mercy

You met every fear by the power of your name

Oh, what a gracious Father

You made these ruins an altar

Only grace could build cathedrals out of bones that have been raised

Your honor pouring out into this vessel made of clay

For your glory we will rise from the ashes to the skies

Refined by flames, consuming every part

You changed my name, and that’s where my story starts

When you came in with unexpected mercy

You wiped every tear and wrapped me in your arms

Oh, what a gracious Father

You made these ruins an altar

Only grace could build cathedrals out of bones that have been raised

Your honor pouring out into this vessel made of clay

For your glory we will rise from the ashes to the skies

Then you came in with unexpected mercy

You changed everything, and told me I am worthy

Oh yes, you came in with overwhelming power

Conquered every fear, now I’m free in Jesus’ name